Welcome back. You ready for PART TWO?

I do what I do, why I do it, HOW I do it, because of a day like a recent one in my life.

On an afternoon walk with a friend (at the time, TBC), a dog was running back and forth across a street without a leash. This street is the main vein and artery of my neighborhood, an inlet and outlet. We agreed to get it home, as it had tags on its collar that we could see about 40-50 feet away. Well, that I could see anyway (checking my own ableist ass mouth). I also recognized the dog. The owner asked me about my dog (of the same breed, but covered in lipomas) earlier in the year. As we approached, the -fully outchea kicking it- dog’s spinal hair stood up. That justified my understanding in having a nervous, loose dog on a street, with heavy pediatric foot traffic was an endangering situation. I have dogs, and understand canine companionship, as does the accompanying friend. We like the responsible citizens and dog owners we are, the friend posed the questions of helping the dog go back home. I relayed my familiarity and we obliged by continuing our walk in the original direction, in the path of the dog’s escapade area…..

We knew better than to try to catch a nervous dog on the loose. Them hackles NEVER lie. Upon traversing one block, the dog darted between two houses. The friend discovered that the side gate into the backyard, where the dog darted to was open. I live in the neighborhood, and had met the owner (HE spoke to me initially all those months ago). So, I rang the doorbell to let the homeowner know that the dog was loose, we found him, and that we would close their wide open gate. Ya know, being kind…loving my neighbor and all. After two attempts of ringing the ADT digital doorbell (contains a HD camera, speaker, AND accessible via app), about two min apart.…..the second attempt was met with obscure yelling in the home. The older (60-70 yo), 6’1 to 6’4” tall, white male answered the door with his 1911 in waistband, safety off and hand ready. Yes, you read that correct. He came to the door with his gun. The house that had its address spray painted with a UT logo, the house that had “Grandpa’s House” as a cut out iron sign in front, the house that had a camera that showed me in my purple Bearpaw boots, red Garner State Park hoodie, black cotton headwrap, grey yoga pants (the standard chill Austin yogi uniform) holding a chai tea latte, in a pewter YETI knockoff thermos, on a walk with a friend…..is the same house where someone felt the need to answer the door with a gun.

An attempt to be a good neighbor was met with a firearm. I live in an affluent suburb. I am light-skinned, big haired and freckled……..and I have had a whole conversation with this man previously about my dog, and his dog. He stopped me on my walk. But, that did not stop him from feeling threatened by my presence on his doorstep.

…….The homeowner’s dog was loose, running back and forth across the street, afraid of strangers, an endangerment to kids and drivers. Nice and kind to him, and my community in returning his dog. Nice and kind by not calling 311, having Animal Control Services pickup his dog, and impound it.

I am so grateful, that I was with a friend. That if I would have had bullets into my chest, I had a witness, and another good soul to vouch for the intentions of being on his doorstep. How many more Black folks do not have witnesses at the moments of injustice? How many more of my racialized relations are dealing with this shit on the regular from EVERYBODY?????? How many little Black girls at school, Black women at home, Black boys playing, Black men just breathing, Black trans folks just being…us just trying to survive.. do not have witnesses to stop the lies of white supremacy?

The reason I do what I do, is because that gun-brandishing man is a LAWYER FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS AT AUSTIN (TY, PUBLIC RECORD and a phenomenal education in research methodology). Not a law professor or mentor, but an actual lawyer for the university. Empowered by his “hard work” and the law he is tasked with “interpreting”. Because an ableist that ended up in a wheelchair while out on a run, and SUED A NEIGHBOR FOR GRAVITY USING “THE LAW”, and played upon emotions to become a governor of this state…. Imagine if every Black person had the means and education to sue for the amount of assault/gross negligence/exploitation/discrimination, and essentially the legacy of racism in this country???? Whew LAWD that Kimberly Jones quote rings loud af in my head!!!! THE TRUTH NEVER GETS OLD.

WATCH THE WHOLE DAMN THING.

“they are lucky that what Black people are looking for is equality and not revenge.”

kimberly jones

#protectblackwomen

A certain state senator….. a racist, sexist who abandons his “beloved” state during an deadly, disastrous winter storm (and any other time he sees fit), has the privilege and audacity to make a joke about his error in order to ridicule a governor of another state, DURING A PANDEMIC. But, dudes say they love Jesus? Their gaggle of power rabid, racist, homophobic, sexist, islamophobic, xenophobic, transphobic wealthy friends think that unregulated gun ownership spread across this place….makes sense. But if y’all knew that stats and demographics on the consummation of the various of genres of pornography (another one of their favorite scapegoats)……

Jesus could not stand the Sadducees and Pharisees’ hypocrisy, and elitism. And these dudes act JUST like the very same religious & political elitists that had Jesus killed. But, they do not pick up on that part of the scripture. They also do not pick up on the fact that Jesus was a MIDDLE EASTERN, POOR, MIGRATORY MAN who HUNG OUT WITH ALL THE POLITICAL, HEALTH AND SOCIAL PARIAHS…..AND VANDALIZED A TEMPLE THAT WAS DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE CHURCH IS DOING TODAY..

That they should be, in all biblical fact and doctrine….. caring for the orphaned, widowed, incarcerated, and politically exiled……. But that is another exposé for another day. I am only speaking on my own previous affiliations, but Evangelical Christianity AIN’T the only corrupt, patriarcal, wealth hoarders who done stole and exploited…

These men make it so that people never have the chance to know their neighbor unless that person acts, looks and thinks like them (I have yet to see a 1911, Beretta, AR-15, nuclear warhead in any of humanity’s ancient spiritual texts, FYI)……..This gaggle of power rabid, racist, wealthy friends (empowered by their fake, feminists partners) have legally justified this man’s actions. But, morally endangered lives they refuse to acknowledge??? Sounds like the shepherds putting the sheep out to slaughter, not safety ta meeeeee. If that man who came to the door with that gun claimed self-defense after he took my life, then I would have died without justice. And, he would still have his dog. They want to be all up in our bodies without our consent or consideration of our humanity, dead or alive. There are soooo many laws making things that are morally correct, illegal (again breastfeeding in public JUST recently became legal in all 50 states, AND only certified NURSE-midwives are legal in all 50 states, but they about to overturn Roe vs Wade???? So, if the country cannot handle a pandemic, what makes these same law-making fools think it can handle a baby boom????). And so many more laws that make inhumane hatred, completely legal. I bore witness to violent xenophobia in the same week. And of course, the perpetrator said they would call the cops, knowing their position and privilege would dwarf their crime.

But ask them to wear a mask after A MILLION folks have died IN THIS COUNTRY?………HOW DARRRREEEEE YOUUUUU. How DARE you ask them to protect the lives of others and their loved ones?

After over ONE MILLION people (five that I personally knew) have died of a virus that can be slowed with proper PPE (protective personal equipment) and vaccination? After access to adequate PPE and medicines were prevented by a political agenda for financial gain (#45 opted out of federal supply of necessary supplies to create an open marketplace for the highest bidders). After YET AGAIN, basic human rights denied for a POLITICAL AGENDA….but y’all done forgot about medical professionals wearing trash bags because
”it was the supply chain.” SMH.

The same supply chain that Rogel Aquilera-Mederos was working for when the brakes on his truck failed, and unfortunately four people lost their lived. Rogel was sober and on his grind. Rogel most likely is a pillar in his family, supporting himself, and various members of his lineage with his employment. This person had not a single blemish on his criminal history. Rogel immediately turned himself in, AND abided by the local, state & federal jurisdictions. That same supply chain is more important than the inhumane & unjust 110 years (AGAIN ONE HUNDRED AND TEN YEARS) he was sentenced to for an actual sober, freak mechanical accident. A law that even the judge said was not the sentence they would have given.

But Ethan Couch, a proud Texan, driving drunk and under the influence of Valium and marijuana, with a prior history of irresponsible and endangering behavior, WHO STOLE ALCOHOL THE SAME NIGHT, in his father’s supply chain sourcing and support company truck, filled beyond its human occupancy limit, speeding, driving reckless down a road, and KILLED four kids. The depositions are deep with parental neglect, enablement, and a clear indicator that he was a public safety hazard. But…..BUT, he received TEN YEARS PROBATION. Then, when dude was caught partying balls in Mexico…..with his mom, as an 18 year old, evading his probation officer……….they fled for a whole ass week, and set off a taxpayer funded manhunt. Dude got TWO FUCKING YEARS IN PRISON.

Remind me of how important that supply chain is again??????

Remind me of its priorities, employees, necessity of its’ protection and purpose?????

I completely get it is hard to believe in a “God”, when folks act like they ARE GOD. Why believe in something that is used so detrimentally for personal gain, and justification of human rights violations? Talm’ bout “jihadists”, when their children/relatives/peers are domestic terrorists? Talm ‘bout the “Asian flu” but be lining up to Panda Express/the Chinese Buffet/enrolling their kids in karate, taekwondo, judo & kung-fu????

And you wonder why I am set up in a Community Care, Mutual Aid model? Because even my publically palatable for the colorists/racists, light-skinned ass IS NOT SAFE IN MY OWN UPPER MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD. Because financial stability does NOT guarantee safety for Black bodies. Because I am certain if I moved a certain way, I would have had a bullet in my chest. Because Black families are met with this same hostility when seeking mental health support, when seeking better educational opportunities, when seeking employment, when seeking an AirBnB, when seeking medical care, when seeking justice, when seeking JUST TO FUCKING BREATHE. Because of the proximity to whiteness, creates privilege. Because some can choose to buy Huggies, Pampers, Frida Mom products, while the many have to buy generic, or second hand, or go without. Because people donate worn, dirty, damaged goods to families, instead of doing unto others as they would do unto themselves. Because elitist, white, liberal women have co-opted African American Maternal Mortality into their neo-colonialism (for those of you reading this that know me know me, these terms ain’t nothing new). Because right now in Austin, black doulas are having to serve their own FOR FREE.

This ain’t no activism based on guilt, or shame, or to be seen, or socially accepted. This is what I have experienced personally. I watched witnessed, and have been in the ripples of the murder of Black upward mobility. And if you think the “One Drop Rule” is dead, you have no internal sight, and are soaking in privilege. Because I have listened to white, and co-opted racialized people at non-profits go on jealous/envy filled rants about Black-led/run organizations, talking about what racialized bodies need to do, but refuse to place their power into the hands of the people their privilege oppresses…..Because this city puts Black organizers against each other for personal gain, and not a principality of liberation. Because Asian folks in this city have the most limited access to “certified” doulas that look like them. Because undocumented folks in this city are forced to sit under a guise of “Keeping it Weird” and “you are accepted in your weirdness” if you can pass/relinquish your racial identity and ethnic allegiance. America, the what again????

I am passionate about this because unlike most of the doulas in this city, I am not trying to be internet, industry or even personally famous. Capitalism does not make birth/health/death equity accessible (psst, lemme tell you a secret…..your ass probably still will not be able to afford adequate healthcare coverage until you hit 5-6 figures in profits, not revenue). Because if I can be under this same threat, then why tf not be passionate about making birth, health and death equitable? Because “pro-life” organizations are not trying to make birth accessible and humane in this country. Because those same groups will not ensure the children that they so vehemently want to “protect”, do not receive the same energy after they arrive. Why not, when I know that I know that I know that I have lived that the realities this world is based on the depth (or lack thereof amongst mine own) of melanin you possess? When I know for a fact that DONA uses Indigenous/Black/Meso-American/Asian knowledge to teach majority white folks how to be the best capitalist, neocolonist, sexist doula they can be. To teach racialized folk to commoditize their own? That DONA has made itself the standard for grants, government contracts, and general acceptance by the system that used Black bodies for commerce and education. That DTI white-washes knowledge and practices that black, radical, queer folks been yelling from the rooftops for years, but stacks a white af reading library, was created as a space for elite, white, liberal feminists, actively tokenizes and exploits racialized folks, changed that IRS filing status and “business structure”, and has yet to make a full apology (financial and public) for its role in disenfranchising marginalized people from birthwork. BOTH ORGANIZATIONS encourage and reinforce the exploitation of racial and gender based trauma. Both organizations are two sides of the same exclusive ass, name dropping coin. Both organizations (including Childbirth International) are now being used to write policy, for healthcare employment, for private enterprise employment, and exploit non-profits. I am certain one of their admins or “let me be nosy” doulas are gonna read this and suggest these changes without acknowledging where the “idea” came from. Those organizations fail to acknowledge the hurdles a Black doula must faces when getting clients, when asking healthcare professionals to fill out paperwork, to respond to evaluations……

I WORKED IN HEALTHCARE FOR YEARS…..DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO EVEN GET A MEDICARE CERTIFICATE OF MEDICAL NECESSITY (CMN) or A PRIOR AUTHORIZATION, OR EVEN AN AMENDMENT FOR THEM TO BILL THEIR OWN PATIENT???? HOW ABOUT PAPERWORK BACK FROM A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER WHO PROVIDED THE DIAGNOSIS, AND WROTE THE DAMN PRESCRIPTION?????? MANY TIMES IT IS A ONE PAGE DOCUMENT THAT THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS????????? LET ALONE A THREE PAGE EVALUATION FOR A NON-REGULATED INDUSTRY’S “LEADING” ORGANIZATIONs.

I mean a WHOLE Ponzi, Pyramid, Respectability Politics SCHEME PLAYBOOK, Y’ALL.

to be continued in 2022……….

HAPPY HOLIDAZE!!!!!