Erykah Badu and Rapsody 3:AM Conversation:

Erykah: “Evolving involves elimination.”

The first time I heard that, my brain went, “WOW….boom.”

The next time I heard it, my heart went, “Well now, fuck that. I should have had some input.”

One of the things that time spent in search of healing, and healthy internal accountability has given:

I am completely and utterly disillusioned with the caricature of motherhood that is propaganda in this country as I have known it.

The lies of the patriarchal, nuclear family thrives, while the victory garden lays fallow.

Over the course of a few months I am going to attempt to dissect what I believe to be a generational curse of estrangment in my lineage. If you would have told me while growing, reading to, preparing for, birthing, feeding, learning with and about my kid, that we would one day never speak….. would I have cared to raise him on homemade meals, cloth diapering, private primary schooling, and all the other THINGS, versus preventing an impending chasm? Would knowing that I would be hated like this change how I engaged someone who came from me, but was not me? If I knew what I know now, would I do anything differently?

Over the course of a few months I am going to attempt to promote impending parents to learn what are their childhood trauma wounds, create affirming mental health support networks, take basic child care classes instead of letting trends, unempathetic table talk, TikTok and price tags dictate the process. I hate that there is an asthestic around parenting, but not an accountable + loving place to go when we get things wrong.

Over the course of a few months I am going to hopefully explain why I believe that the future is family. Not, female, nor male, but FAMILY. That means grandparents as parents, friends as family, two moms, two dads, multiple moms and dads raising the same children, I really dont care what it looks like as long as it is a COMMUNITY of people with shared care and compassion for their tiny people that will become adults.

The patriarchal nuclear family is a lie. The isolating martyrdom of single parenting is a lie. The reverent provision of aging is a lie.

Maybe, as I wander between where I began as a parent to where I end as a person…I can help someone else try to understand what it feels like to love with such grief, distance and confusion. And maybe we can both move towards hopeful healing.